Why I have this Blog

I recently read about a contest to win a $10,000 scholarship for university students with blogs. My immediate response was "How do I get me some of that?" I promptly realized that I not only think in bad grammar, but I don't update my blog enough to win an award.

And then I wondered why I don't update this blog very often. I have a Word document with over 600 pages of content copied from the LiveJournal that I updated several times a week through undergrad, but I'm doing well if I update this once a month.

What's sad about that is that I have a folder of documents called "Blog Thoughts." I write out full length blog entries and then decide not to post them. Usually because they reek of the angst that marks my old LiveJournal...but still. I was really, really sick this year. I'm still not doing great. I think maybe it's time that I allow the friends and family that started to read this blog to find out what was and is going on into my head a little bit.

I named this blog Thistle Theology because, back in undergrad, I grew very frustrated with the acronym 'TULIP" used to describe the main tenets of Calvinism. Mostly, I was frustrated that the semantics of the phrases were debated until they meant nothing, but then I spent some time (that I ought to have been writing a paper or working or some other such nonsense) thinking about how fragile Tulips are, and how very short their life is in the grand scheme of things.

So I decided I liked thistles better. I wrote out a very well-thought out acronym that could probably make me millions if I could publish it, but I happened to write it on the back of a page of theology notes. And as much as I'd like to share my brilliance with the rest of the world, I'm not willing to spend a week sorting through old boxes of notes.

But think about it--thistles are hardy, often difficult to get to, and beautiful in their own unique way. Ironically, I came to the conclusion that I'd rather be more like a thistle than a tulip long before I got sick. My illness has made me more like a thistle. I'm stronger than I was, because, well, I've had to learn to be. I'm wary of sharing my feelings and opinions, because my meds reduced my inhibitions just enough for me to say cruel things to my friends. And I really do think I've come into my own kind of beauty--it's just different than what I had planned.

I'm going to try and post something---whether it's backdated or new, every day until the contest. If I get the courage, I'll submit an entry, but if not, at least I spent a little more time letting people in.