Driving

For those in the Orange County area, do not be shocked if you happen to see a girl who looks surprisingly like me driving a car that looks surprisingly like mine.

I drove to Physical Therapy and back today. It was delightful to choose the radio station and feel independent again. I really like driving.

For the record, the reason I haven't been driving is pain management not because any doctors said it was a bad idea. (They all say do what I feel good enough for) I'd say that until this past weekend I've been in pain upwards of 95% of the time. The last few days have been about 80% pain free. It's amazing what one can do when one isn't focused on getting through.

I honestly haven't wanted to plan anything, do anything or go anywhere. Making it through my 3 hour classes was more difficult than I'd like to admit, and filling my days with anything seemed more than I could bear.

But now, tentatively, I'm ready to step slowly back into the world. Jesus and I have had many conversations about what the point of this whole sickness thing is, especially in light of recent test results. I can honestly say that I'm glad it's been me and not any of my family members or friends. I wouldn't wish my last 3 1/2 months on anyone, and with the full realization that these past few days without pain may just be a gap, I still would rather be the one sick than my mom or sister or friends. My God has a tendency to help those He loves grow in hard times--I just pray that I come out on the other side kinder and more loving than before.

Thank you, friends, for encouraging me, for understanding that I don't want everyone to remember me being negative during this time, because, despite all the crap that has happened, I'd say upwards of 95% of the time I've been at peace with this whole crazy world. Which is odd--because that seems to directly correlate with how much I've been in pain. I'm only really depressed when people around me list all the reasons why I should be upset with my situation. I know that people all over the world are praying for me, for peace, for strength for comfort. Any good I'm able to do or say these days is so not me--it's the One we pray to giving me strength and joy.