For Such a Time as This

I love the story of Esther. I love that her story points to the great love God has for his people, that he provides even for those far from the Promised Land. But mostly, I love God's timing and sense of drama. In a world without internet and cell phones, things happen pretty quickly-they have to or the Jews wouldn't stand a chance. It's just a good story.

There have been several times in my life when I've had moments where I've said "A-HA! This is why I'm on this planet--for such a time as THIS." Long talks over coffee or sitting on a log at camp, watching a student understand for the first time and hearing those beautiful words, "hey, this is easy!" or just relaxing after a meal with friends and family, singing around the piano. I have never doubted that there was a purpose for my being on this planet.

But why THIS? After 2 months of being sick, and having very few of those moments, it's so easy to question what the point of this could possibly be. I'm 23 years old, love being around kids, sharing the gospel, teaching and singing. How can my sitting in bed glorify the God I claim to serve? Even now, as I type this, I don't have an answer. I've been reading some of Amy Carmichael's writings, and received a book of stories of godly women from a dear friend. I think I'm learning, slowly, that I don't have to *do* anything to be glorifying God--being in right relationship with Him is far more beautiful than being a busy bee, serving others.

Don't get me wrong. I would love to be back to my old self, because I think she was pretty neat--she really cared about the people around her. But more often than not in my life, I have equated serving others with serving God. Call it a Mary/Martha complex, if you will. I have grown up in a house where my parents have given generously, have modeled hospitality and have loved others with an abandon that still takes my breath away. What I'm now grasping, is that the love and care they have for others stems from deep within, from their relationship with Jesus Christ--the firstfruits of a love so 'deep and wide' that little 4 year old arms could never stretch enough to describe it.

I can't *do* very much for others right now. That doesn't mean that I can't grow into the woman God has planned for me to be while sitting in bed. My mind and hands are restless because of my medication, but my heart is restless because it knows it has much to learn before I can claim to be in right relationship with the One who promises peace; His stories, so filled with perfect timing and that sense of drama can continue to lead me down the path of understanding.