Good Friday

    I recognize that my blog has most likely made it's way into the blogger's graveyard.  Not updating for two  and a half months wasn't necessarily planned, but looking back, I think I needed it.  In January I relapsed again, complete with the thrilling initial side effects of surreal amounts of obsessive energy, coupled with an inability to adequately discern what people meant when they spoke to me and overactive guilt over what I said to others.  Call it extreme paranoia, if you will, but I lovingly refer to it as "the crazies."  Also in the last two and a half months, I successfully completed a rather rapid and unpleasant taper from 60 down to 5 mg of prednisone, at which I have semi-comfortably adapted to "the crazies" and the other various side effects of which I, and a million other people on the inter-web have spoken often.   Oh yeah.... I also completed my last two real courses for my Master's degree, leaving only student teaching and related classwork for the fall.  Oh, and I continued to tutor and started a job researching as a Graduate Assistant for a professor on campus.   

     So I have been busy.  Or at least busy compared to Spring of 2008, during which I slept or watched television  in bed for 95% of the day, compared to the rather modest 60% I  now complete.  If we compare it to my first 22 years or most other 24 year olds I'm in contact with, I'm not busy at all.  

    But today is Good Friday.   For the first time in a long time I've felt like writing, like sharing what's going on.  Life is hard.  As I watched the Passion of the Christ today, I was hit again by the hardness of life, by the cruelty of human beings, by the pervasiveness of sin.  On this day, of all days, I am well aware of my sin, of the cost necessary to pay my debts, because I do not love my neighbor as I love myself, I do not love the Lord my God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.   Even in weakness, I lean more toward entertainment or physical things that make me feel better for brief moments instead of the terrible beauty of the Cross.  

   I don't have anything profound to say, no moral or encouraging thing to wrap this post up all-tidy-like.  The last few months have been filled with wonderful things, hard things, new and old things, but today they just seem like things that might be remembered or might not---things I didn't feel needed to be written down---but the itch struck me to write today--and so I did.